Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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