oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
