I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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