How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
