through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
