I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
