too bad you live with your parents still
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
