How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
