He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
