i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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