Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
