so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
