Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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