apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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