Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We don't watch enough power rangers
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
