where does the pee come out of this thing
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
