I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
