I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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