Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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