We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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