Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
