let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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