it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Never joke about your clitoris.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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