May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
