i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
