is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
