eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
