I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
