Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I booty called her while she was in labor.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
