not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
