Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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