doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
