my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
