Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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