i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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