God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
