the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
