I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
