your parents love me but you hate me
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
