is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
