Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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