Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
