So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
please come you make the beer taste better
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
