i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
