Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Randomize
