well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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