I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
