You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i think im in europe. pls send help
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
