Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
