do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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