i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i love accidental penises.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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