I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Randomize
