oh god the rape fog is back!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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