Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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