My girlfriend figured out who you are.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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