can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
