I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
