im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Buhtt sex?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Hippo gnu deer
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
