Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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