nut hugger
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So much Jack, so little girl.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
