Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
