can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
