I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
