He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
