PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Randomize
