No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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