If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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