I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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