I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
